coming up next...

edatmus @ 2009-07-27T20:38:00

2009-07-28T01:40:42Z

Garlic... kind of a bitch underneath your fingernails... but damn tasty.

edatmus @ 2009-07-24T12:11:00

2009-07-24T17:25:29Z

I've lost 14lbs, according to the doc, which means I'm almost back to the weight I was before the health ridiculousness started, so thats good, and the meds aren't messing with my liver and kidney, which I was sure they were because how could I not have horrible side effects?

So I've got new stomach meds, new leg painkiller which i just started and hopefully it does something, and I think/hope/pray things will more or less go back to normal other than the still not being very hungry. I had been okay the last few days, but today food just seems blah. I miss enjoying food, and I feel like life is a little lamer because of it, but if I feel okay later I may make cookies or banana bread.

edatmus @ 2009-07-23T21:50:00

2009-07-24T02:51:15Z

Summer thunderstorms are very comforting, I wish they'd happen more often. I think I'm meant to be in the pacific northwest where it rains all of the time.

edatmus @ 2009-07-22T22:41:00

2009-07-23T03:54:21Z

Inevitably, the reason I had to get off the couch and drag myself back to work from 7:45-9:45 turned out not to be a problem, but instead took up a good portion of my night once you include transit, which means I'm finally home and not at all tired, and now my leg hurts worse.

My goals, if you could call them that, are to eat every 3 hours or so this month and actually eat breakfast. I'm not sure how this will go, since there are so few things that make me not ill, but I mostly succeeded today. Work got rid of the one sandwich I ordered from thr cafe, so I won't be eating there anymore, because all I can eat now is a caprese panini (which I thought was pretty shitty) or a salad, which I can make at home. Fail, but it will keep me from spending money. If I have cash I can laways go get nachos, which aren't healthy, but damn tasty.

We also had a mid-afternoon fondue break, which I think should happen every day, because warm chocolate and fruit= delicious.

edatmus @ 2009-07-20T22:35:00

2009-07-21T03:43:31Z

I'm not sure how or why my 11:10 doctors appointment which was scheduled over a month ago got changed to 4:10, but I suppose such is life. I'm still going to call UIC to make sure the time is right, since all of the updates on upcoming appointments prior to my confirmation call said 11:10. Life is never that easy I suppose.

The nerve damage leg pain is back with a vengence, and I'm temporarily off painkillers until I can figure out what the hell is going on with my stomach, so needless to say since Thursday I've been rather irritable.

Then compounded with info on got on Saturday, it's just sort of like really? I can't just try and deal with physical pain? No, all of this other shit has to get involved, and then work today was just weird. I have to do weekly mtgs with my boss's boss until I'm better or I suppose my boss comes back, and it's helpful since she actually listens, but it's sort of weird nonetheless. It reminds me of just how much I despise my boss, especially when everything is running so well without her, and that's the case whenever she goes on vacation or is not involved with anything.

And then the one co-worker in my division who I actually really like is getting moved into a new division, and the other girl I like is leaving in a month, so that's going to make work that much more lame.

But it's been a 9.5 hour day (with no formal breaks) and I actually had to interact with people and children and shit so I am beat. Especially since it's been at leats a month since I pulled an actual 8 hour day with lunch and everything. It's all been 6 and 7s, so thank god I have tomorrow off, even if I have to run appointments.

Of course.

2009-07-17T12:26:02Z

Because the painkillers I'm on actually make my leg feel better most of the time, they're going to go ahead and also give me one of the more serious side effects: stomach bleeding/ulcers.

While I do like my doctor, I don't want to have to go in every fucking week.

Body: you fail big time. This does however explain my continued aversion to food and why it makes me feel sick all of the time.

This seriously needs to get taken care of before I leave the country, else I will cry, and/or just die from some horrible disease while in India, because I need to get away from here.

edatmus @ 2009-07-15T07:49:00

2009-07-15T12:53:11Z

Same talk, different day.
Same follow-up, different feelings.

And the end of the ride draws inexorably closer, but I wish it would hurry up a little.

edatmus @ 2009-07-06T08:55:00

2009-07-06T13:56:48Z

I have no more sick time, so I'm forced to go and put in a full week. We shall see how it goes, but I'm not really looking forward to it. At least I have no plans Friday, so if I have to call in one day, I can make up the hours, but still, LAME.

edatmus @ 2009-07-02T19:39:00

2009-07-03T00:40:05Z

Seriously, why do you even bother coming home? It's certainly not to spend time with me.

edatmus @ 2009-06-30T16:29:00

2009-06-30T22:02:28Z

My freaking leg is killing me, so I've been in bed/the sofa a lot lately. Lame. I can't believe it's July: this year has gone so incredibly fast which is kind of nice, but then I also realize that I've really dropped off the face of the earth too, so I'm getting slightly better at doing that, but not much. Eventually and hopefully soon I'll go back to going out Thursday nights, since I don't think I've done that this year at all, and I miss being more involved in the CS community, and going out and meeting people and being social.

Though, I won't lie. This 60 degree and cloudy/raining weather? Could it be like this every summer? kthx.

edatmus @ 2009-06-23T21:39:00

2009-06-24T02:44:31Z

-In really good news, I am not the person who flushed my phone down the toilet.
-In good news, my boss is on maternity leave for 3 glorious months. And I went to Olivia's and picked up some excellent salad,
-In okay news, I get to sit in the eye doctors office on Thursday for an undisclosed amount of time.
-In bad news, my leg still is messed up.

So not too bad, really. And the tomatoes are flowering, which means much goodness is on it's way.

edatmus @ 2009-06-21T09:10:00

2009-06-21T14:14:24Z

Despite this being a mostly shitty weekend, (exception: a nice, if hot and somewhat painful trip to the Brookfield Zoo and some costa rican food, yum), I'd have to say the highlight of the weekend (well, not techinically, since today starts my work week) was the parking guy's face lighting up this morning and him asking where I've been and how I've been doing. I haven't parked in the lot on a weekend for a very long time, and I wouldn't have expected a comment on it.

I think (hopefully) my health is mostly on the mend, but we'll see when the meds kick in, since I'm starting to feel more woozy again, especially when I stand up from a sitting/crouched position.

Other than that, I think everything else pretty much sucks, but I do have some awesome friends that I need to make more of an effort to see, since a lot of them I haven't seen since or before the wedding.

edatmus @ 2009-06-21T03:15:00

2009-06-21T08:36:31Z

::sigh::

edatmus @ 2009-06-17T17:36:00

2009-06-17T22:43:44Z

So, every year for the past couple years, red winged blackbird have set up shop near the staff entrance of work. And in the spring/summer, they are known for attacking people. To which a select group fo my coworkers and I laughed, because it's funny.

Today, I was on the phone, and all of a sudden there are wings and feet attacking my forehead and hair.

Fucking birds.

edatmus @ 2009-06-15T21:18:00

2009-06-16T02:36:29Z

So, people had been telling me for two weeks how awful spinal taps, and especially the headaches afterward are, to which I was like, meh. I don't have a problem with needles, and really, can the headaches be any worse?

Well, since it appears that I do have what they thought I had, I had headaches that were significantly less that what i've been having lately, so that's awesome! My eyes don't hurt (much) and neither does my head really, so hopefully this lasts a while.I can't however, see as well as I used to 2 months ago, and considering I did just get a prescription check up earlier in 2009, I'm a bit worried about some permanent vision loss, but it's nothing too too awful.

So on Friday the doc will prescribe some meds and refer me to a nutritionist, and hopefully the meds will work, else until I lose a great deal of weight I will be very very unhappy. If that happens I don't know what I'll do because treatment options are: repeated spinal taps, or head surgery which would both suck ass...

The actual spinal tap itself was the most painful thing I've ever gone through in my life. It felt like someone was cutting through my back, and apparently the resident(?) was having some issues because the area she needed to draw from was really tight on me, which meant she needed to poke around and it was just awful. I will not go through that again, because it was miserable. I'd rather take being cracked out and in pain most of the day.

SO yeah, healthwise things are on the upswing, and my back doesn't even hurt too much now. Saturday and yesterday were pretty well shot, but I went to an awesome trianign today (with an Australian who had the best accent I've head in years).

edatmus @ 2009-06-03T20:49:00

2009-06-04T02:00:29Z

I question a lot in my life, the choices I've made and oaths I've taken, and am starting to think I should have turned left instead of right a little more often...

No matter. I can't believe that I could hear so many coworkers despite my earplugs, so I left work early today when my eye started throbbing and realized that I did not want to sit in my apartment alone, so popped some mockcedrin and went for a lunch and a walk with Rachel, where many a cute thing was waiting to be bought, much to the chagrin of my checking account.

Came home, made dinner and had the last half of it which was meant for lunch be eaten as dinner pt. 2 for Paul. So yet again, no lunch.

Also started making a strawberry-rhubarb galette, despite the act that all of the strawberries were sliced when they shouldn't have, so now I need more. Looking at directions, having even a vague idea of what the directions ask for is not a bad idea. I'm just saying. I'm a little concerned about the dough, and we'll see if the insides turn out, because I'm not sure if I cooked them enough. I'm sure it will be fine, but I'm really such a perfectionist when it comes to desserts (see: the cheesecake housewarming incident). And I shudder to even begin to think about the chili brownies. I think my ego is tied up into my dessert making prowess (feeble as it is), so I take it far too seriously, though the chile smell did make me feel sick.

edatmus @ 2009-06-02T16:55:00

2009-06-02T22:52:00Z

Went in to work again today, with earplugs, which helped a good amount. I'm just so sick of being at home, especially when I get emails from my boss regarding stupid shit that we tlaked about a month ago and she didn't want to go ahead with.

Part of me sincerely believes my hatred for work has contributed to me getting sick, but then I may just be paranoid and dissatisfied with life because I'm not feeling well. The first super-bad headache was a month ago, although I've been having the eye issues for longer, but just didn't realize what was going on. And now it's June and summer is upon us and I haven't gotten half of what I needed to done, and I really don't care in many ways, which is never a good sign.

I'm just incredibly listless and feel like I need somethign exciting or new or somethign in my life, but I'm unsure what or where to find it or how to fit it into my schedule.

Went to see 3eb with Cathy and Oya this weekend, which was fun, but OMG am I an old, sick person. It was too loud and there were a lot of bright lights, so I couldn't really get into it as much because of the pain. But I survived, I like it, they played 3 of my favorite songs, so I couldn't have asked for much more, and I like both Cathy and Oya great deal because they are just awesome, and I think i need more awesome in my life. Or, at least I need more awesome when I can actually stand talking to people.

edatmus @ 2009-05-21T19:16:00

2009-05-22T00:20:25Z

Good news: no tumor!
Bad news: Next stop, spinal tap! And, if it is what they thought it was yesterdat, maybe surgery, according to wikipedia/mayo clinic/everything on the internet I've read. Lame.

I feel generally shitty, eyes/head hurt, until about 7/8 pm and feel fine, so we'll see how life progresses in the next couple of weeks. I'm cutting out of work early for the time being, and cut all the part-time day jobs for the next couple weeks, just because i have no energy as is and I'd like more time to sleep.

So, I talk to the doc tomorrow to see what's up next.

Like, I've always been okay with the possible risks I run being fat, but I did not sign up for this one.

edatmus @ 2009-05-20T08:19:00

2009-05-20T13:23:11Z

I had a very, vivid, movie-like zombie dream last night. It's been awhile since I had one, so I'm a little tense still, but there were no near-deaths or actual deaths, which I suppose is good.

I think ti related to work some, or I was at work, except is was liek a 50 story building, and we had to jump out the window becasue the zombies were coming after us. But, just before we hit the ground, our magical teleportation device kicked in and brought us to safety.

And then there was a part while we were on a boat, looking for a place without zombies, but I think they attacked us or somehting bad happened and I woke up.

Damn the undead for resting my slumbar.

Oh, and the best part was that my head stil hurt, and I had been warned byt he doctor if I woke up becasue of a headache, I needed to call him IMMEDIATELY. Had it been any other dream but zombies, I think I would have been freakign out a lot this morning.

edatmus @ 2009-05-19T08:37:00

2009-05-19T13:54:59Z

So, having people over Sunday was nice. It was essentially a bunch fo former/current coworkers, and a couple random friends, but I've been cognizent of the fact that most of my friends are people I have worked with at one point in time or another. And I've never denied the fact that I'm a complete and utter workaholic.

My best friend at work was let go last week, and I'm not sure how I'l deal with that. I saw her yesterday to give her some of her stuff, but really, now I have no really good friends there. I have a few friends (like the people that came Sunday), but I'm not especially close to them, and there's a couple people in my department I flat out dislike.

We are hiring for a person who will do at least a good portion of my work (with the teens), and I'm not involved in choosing this person at all, since it's falling in the other half of the department. And they're really looking for someone with curricular experience, because it's all about the SCIENCE. SCIENCE SCIENCE SCIENCE and be damned the fact that most of your clients don't give nearly as much of shit as you need them to focus on this. Rumor has it that the pres is looking for another job since his wife got one well out of state, and the board is looking for a new pres, but that's not public info really, and you'd think they would like, announce it officially and open it up to other applicants. They need someone with management experience, not another academic, but I fear that's what will win.

We still have a ton of crudites-material and crackers, and cheese really, so should be fun and I at least know what I'll be eating this week. And there was a bit of cheesecake left. I wasn't terribly happy with how it turned out. The flavors were really flat, and I know I didn't put as much coffee as I normally do (i double it), but I couldn't really taste the raspberries either. Go figure. I think I want to try a pomegranete one next, but we shall see. I really wanted to make these aztec chocolate brownies, but people showed up early/on-time so that didn't happen. I suppose I'll experiment and bring them into work later this week, whenever they get made, haha.

So, i've been having headaches every day for over a week now, including a couple migraines, so I'm heading over to see Paul's doctor. I've switched insurance (YAY!!!!!!!! No more United Health!!!!!!!!!) but it's an HMO, which I don't like since I've been spoiled my entire life. I don't know the the headaches are related at all to the depression, but my ability to function as of late has been horrible. I can't focus on anything. But off to the doc.

edatmus @ 2009-05-08T16:27:00

2009-05-08T21:32:07Z

Bought my ticket for India today, woot. Am very excited, but also rather nervous, since this will be the first time I've ever left the country by myself. And quite possibly the only time, as Paul would come if he had any vacation left.

I am however, much more broke that I'd like, since this trip will basically wipe out what few savings I have, but really, it's worth it. Now I just need to figure out what my plans will be for the latter half of the trip and if I want to go it alone, go it with Ann, or go it with the group.

edatmus @ 2009-04-26T09:47:00

2009-04-26T14:48:04Z

Despite my best intentions, I never end up going to see things I want to see, exhibits, performances, other events.

So, to start change on that pattern a Sunday rainy day seems like the perfect opportunity to go se the Edvard Munch show.

The fact that it's the last day may have something to do with it, but at least I'm going.

Taxes

2009-04-15T04:40:06Z

Oh oh! (Yes, I cannot sleep and don't feel like doing anything remotely productive).

For the first time ever, I am receiving money back from the state of Illinois. I did not think that was possible. Even when I made less than 5000, I still had to pay fucking IL, so I'm not sure how I managed to get a whopping $27 bucks back from them. I did, however, have to pay the Federal gov't $106, and I've never had to pay them before. I've apparently crossed a threshold.

And we are beginning the process of throwing money at my loans. Until this month, I've been paying a shitload of money into my student debt- thus making me a wee bit cash strapped.

With interest rates the way they are both for the checking and the loans, it doesn't make a ton of sense for our wedding money to be sitting there (though I suppose we could save for a down payment on a house, but it's not like we could afford one here). The 'rents and various other relatives were quite generous, so rather than spend lotsa money on plates, clothes and other household gadgets, someone decided that this would be good use of cash at this point. (6.5%, while not a complete ass-raping, is much more than any of our investments are making).

So, at the end of the month, I've have right around 20 grand in debt. I started off with 45, so I'm not doing too badly. I pay off about $6000 in loans from my salary annually, though this year I'm paying off about 11 since I fucked up an got sent to collections over one of them :/. However, if I kept up this aggressive payment, I should be out of debt in just a couple years, which is a big relief.

oh, and...

2009-04-15T04:18:07Z

I finally convinced him that for our health and that of the environment, we need to buck up and join a CSA. We decided on Irv and Shelley's Fresh Picks, and it'll be delivered next Wednesday. I'm super excited (and super is practically the only adjective i've been using the last few days :/). I've been reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, and I'm into the second part, so now I don't really trust big organic as well as any food I can pick up from the Jewel/Dominicks/Strack and Van Til/Pick'n'Save/whatever. I'm not sure how this will affect my eating habits, and for how long, but I figure it can't hurt. I also want to hit up the Green City Farmer's Market more this summer, since now I have a nice kitchen and at the end of the month stuff to cook in!

Also, as of this morning, I hit 201, which is the most I've weighed ever (I was hovering right around 200 when I entered college, but I don't think I was ever over 200). Even back in 2001 when I was superfat I think I weighed less, so obviously i have more muscles, because I look a LOT heavier in my horribly awful passport picture. So obviously something needs to change, and I figure this is the impetus I need, at least at this point.

edatmus @ 2009-04-14T22:35:00

2009-04-15T03:43:12Z

What? A double post?

So, work was tolerable for awhile, but now I've yet again gotten to the point where I just want to claw my eyes out in frustration at my boss's incompetence. Yes, we aren't in fact going to meet the budget this fiscal year, so yes, by all means, sign up for your 3 or 4th conference this year. (Which gives my excitement level at going to this conference a big kick in the ass) Heaven forbid you actually let me know when you're cancelling meetings so I can reschedule other ones in their stead, or for that reason, include me in any of the planning for changes that will very much change the entire nature of my day-to-day work. Including things like having me report to someone else thus cementing me further into an area that we agreed that I should move out of.

Or, getting approval on things that I need to do in order to get my job done. ARGH. Like, seriously lady, have you not learned anything at all about your job in 1.25 years?

But other than that, things are sailing along. We'd like to have peeps over to see the new place, since it's rather nic,e but now we might have window consturction going on, so look forward to some sort of invitation when we know what's going up.

And the green festival is coming up May 16th! Anyone wanna go with?